Of Sex and Underwear
by freekazoid101
Summary: Ron and Hermione are trying to get a little privacy, but keep on getting interrupted. There is some cussing,but there is no description of the act,so there. Spoilers for the 7th Book! Please read though!


Hey guys! Here is my first oneshot! I hope you like it! It is rated T for some serious innuendo and some cussing, but there honestly isn't anything of a graphic nature. I hope that you like it! Disclaimer: I'm obviously not J.K. Rowling, because if I was a rich, brilliant, British lady I would not be writing fanfiction, I would be buying lots and lots of coffee. I mean lots.

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It was a warm Friday night in July and the former Order of the Phoenix Headquarters was empty except for two members. Or so they thought. 

"Ronald! Ronald!"

"Bloody hell! What's she doing here?" Ron (Ronald Weasley) hissed while he turned bright red.

"I don't know Ron, but perhaps you should answer her. I would hate for her to come looking for you and find us like this," Hermione answered while gesturing at their naked bodies.

Both Ron and Hermione were nineteen year-old legends in the wizarding world. They had helped Harry Potter (The-Boy-Who-Hasn't-Died-Yet) defeat Lord Voldemort during what would have been their seventh year at Hogwarts. The good people had won, and though they had suffered losses, had managed to maintain some source of normalcy.

Harry had returned to live at Grimauld Place, which had been cleaned up very nicely by its resident house elf Kreacher. Ginny, although she had wanted to, was not permitted to live with her boyfriend here by her mother. Therefore, she moved in across the street. Ron and Hermione weren't living together either. In fact, they lived quite far away, seeing as Hermione was going to Wizard Law School to become a lawyer and Ron was going through auror training with Harry at the Ministry. Both lived in separate flats, but had been going steady since the defeat of He-Who-Could-Not-Kill-Harry-Potter-Despite-His-Repeated-Attempts-At-It.

The Weasleys and Hermione, along with the surviving members of the Order, had come to visit Harry. Mrs. Weasley had brought along Teddy (Tonks' and Lupin's son whom she was helping to raise while Harry was in training) so as he could see his godfather and guardian. He was now one year old and was quite a handful. Thankfully, though, Kreacher had had the foresight to put silencing and disillusionment charms of the house elf heads so they wouldn't scare Teddy or drive everyone insane with their wailing. (Teddy had inherited his mother's love for knocking over the troll's leg at the foot of the stairs.)

This particular Friday everyone had planned to go and visit Madame Rosmerta and Aberforth down at Hogsmede (and sample the Firewhisky at both of their respective establishments.) Ron and Hermione had gracefully declined while providing pathetic excuses such as, "I'm too tired", "I have to study", or the ever favorite "I really have to clean my toothbrush."

Everyone had taken the hint and left Hermione and Ron alone to explore their relationship further. They all said that they'd bring back some food and tell everyone that they said, "Hi." Everyone, that is, but Mrs. Weasley, who had just come back for the third time.

The first time she came she had found Ron and Hermione standing outside of Ron's room staring awkwardly at each other looking like two very embarrassed and ripe tomatoes. The second time she had come right when Ron and Hermione were trying to take off their clothes in a sexy and, as Hermione put it, "Not too scandalous," way. This resulted in Ron hurriedly running downstairs to assure his mother that everything was fine and nothing was going wrong while wearing nothing but his white and blue striped boxers (with "Ronald's Friday pair" neatly cross-stitched in the back), socks and one shoe on. Mrs. Weasley had merely raised an eyebrow ("I swear, Hermione, she's been around Snape too long!") at that and Disapparated back out (after she had exited the building of course.)

Now, after they had repeated the "taking off clothes" part of _it_ fourteen times (Hermione had insisted that it needed to be "sexy and alluring yet without the appearance of a ridiculous strip show or a Knut hooker" but had finally decided that "mildly sexy and hilariously alluring with the absence of the stripper but containing the style of a Sickle hooker" was adequate.) Hermione was lying on her back on Ron's bed with Ron straddling her.

"Fine, fine, I'll go pacify her, but she had better not come back again or else I'm going to stun her and lock her in the closet," said Ron angrily.

He got up from his position awkwardly (meaning that while he was trying really hard not to hit Hermione he kneed her leg, elbowed her in the stomach and finally resulted in knocking her over the head). He shuffled over to the door, opened it, yelled, "I'll be right down," closed it and shuffled over to his dresser. He opened it and pulled out "Ronald's Alternate Friday Pair" pulled them on, and exited the room onto the platform.

Mrs. Weasley was just standing inside the door. Strangely enough, she looked rather pleased with herself. Ron shook this thought out of his mind as, almost as soon as he came into her line of vision, Mrs. Weasley's countenance changed from "Pleased with herself conspirator" to "Worried sick mother who is still rather pleased with herself" (which is how she usually looked).

"Sorry to disturb your _rest_ Ron dear, but I just wanted to know if you needed any more underwear. Rosmerta mentioned that there was a sale going on and I was going to buy all of your brothers some and I didn't want you to feel left out…" she rambled, trying her hardest not to smirk (she herself would admit that she had been around the late Prof. Snape far too much, but who else could she talk to in the middle of the night when she was worried about her homemade remedies going wrong? Only Prof. Snape would listen to her ramble on about how she wasn't sure if wormwood really did get rid of a sinus headache and whether or not stirring counter-clockwise or clockwise really made a difference in a simple Pepperup. Then again, she really knew all the answers; she was just trying to find out his life story. She was so sure that he was in love…)

"…Butting in to all of our affairs…Grown up… Own choices…Polka dots…"

"What, Ron dear? I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention."

"Mom! Pay attention! I do not need any more underwear seeing as you bought me at least twenty pairs of polka dotted ones last year and-"

"Oh, but you never wear those dear!"

Ron spluttered. "That is not the point! I do_ not _need any underwear and I would really appreciate it if you would just leave me and Hermione alone. We are, er, having a very important, er, discussion and it should not be interrupted again!"

"Oh, all right dear. But let me know if you need anything!" and with that she walked out of the door.

Ron huffed all of the way up the stairs. Hermione was sitting up in bed. She looked at him with a pained face (she was trying really hard not to laugh). Ron's face softened.

"Alright, we'll get it right. I promise. Do you want me to get dressed and take off my clothes again so we can get it right from the beginning?"

Meanwhile, outside of number 12, there was a gathering of people. All of them wore funny looking clothes and were laughing uproariously at something a red headed woman was saying.

"…And then he just rambled on about polka dotted underwear and important discussions!"

Mrs. Weasley's audience laughed. Harry and Ginny perhaps most profusely, as they had known Ron for quite awhile and could just imagine the look on his face.

"Molly, you really are cruel, you know that. Just let them have their fun." Mr. Weasley's voice rang out over the chatter. Molly just glared at him.

"Arthur, are you suggesting that I should let my baby and his little girlfriend sully their perfect relationship by doing… unmentionable acts up in his room?" Mrs. Weasley's voice was very cold. All of the chatter died down.

"Well, Molly, we did that 'unmentionable act' quite a bit and I don't think it sullied our relationship…" Arthur grinned like a Cheshire cat. Mrs. Weasley glared. Mr. Weasley's smile faded and he gulped.

"It's getting cold out here!" Ginny complained, although it really wasn't. She just wanted to go back inside. As much as she loved torturing her brother, it creeped her out to hear her dad mention doing the "unmentionable act" with her mother more than once, twice, seven times. Oh gross!

Harry, catching the hint, fake shivered and said, "Yeah, maybe we should go inside." The others in the group seemed to agree with this idea, and were shuffling to the door when Mrs. Weasley said, "But what if they aren't done, _you know_-ing? I, for one, don't want to walk in on my son doing _that_!"

The group seemed to consider that for a second, until George, upholding his reputation of being scandalously blunt, said, "If you don't want to see it, then don't go in his room again!" The whole group laughed and marched up the stairs.  
"I didn't go up in his _room_," Mrs. Weasley huffed, but followed Mr. Weasley into the house.

"Ok guys! Feel free to crash here tonight! I know you all had a lot of Firewhisky and I don't want to have to clean up the results of multiple splinches tomorrow!" Harry yelled, pointedly turning to face the stairway.

Ron and Hermione heard, and mentally thanked Merlin for Harry's loud voice as they pulled their clothes on and straightened up the room. Soon, they heard the loud thumps of inebriated people trudging up the stairs.

"Hey guys, how's it going up here?" Harry questioned while peaking through his fingers.

"Shut it, Harry!" Ron yelled angrily as Hermione threw a pillow at his head.

"Harry! Come on! Let's go to bed!" whined Ginny from behind. "Oh, hi guys! So, did you get some action?"

"Honestly Gin, don't say that!" Ron was blushing, and his ears looked like very vibrant fire hydrants.

"What? It was an honest question!"

"No, we didn't Ginny. Your mum kept on interrupting us," Hermione stated frostily, glaring daggers at her so-called friend.

Harry and Ginny sniggered. "Oh, is that so?" questioned Harry, trying (and failing) to suppress a smile.

"You know what? Shove off! Some people actually take their time when doing this and regard it as a special experience!" Ron looked offended that his friend would find this that funny.

"Oh come on Ron! It's not _that_ difficult!" Harry teased.

"It really isn't you know. Just relax and you'll be fine!" Ginny comforted.

"Ok, well- Hey! Wait a minute! How do you guys know?" Ron shouted.

"Right, er, goodnight Ron, Hermione." Ginny and Harry hurried up the stairs, giggling and laughing all the way.

"I can't… How dare…Sister!" Ron sputtered.

"I know Ron, now let's just call it a bad job and give up for tonight, ok? I'm a little tired."  
"All right," Ron said dejectedly. He slid under the covers and snuggled up close to Hermione.

"Um Ron?"

"Yeah Hermione?"

"Was the window open the whole time we were here tonight?"

"Shit."

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I really appreciate all of you who reviewed and put me on your favorites. It means so much to me! You made me smile so much. To all of you who have read this but not reviewed, I understand, but I would really appreciate it if you would at least leave a little something to let me know you liked or disliked it. Thank you anyway to everyone who read it! 


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